How to Handle the Early Days of Recovery with Your Spouse

If your spouse has given up drinking, you may be forgiven for thinking that things are going to go back to the way they used to be before addiction was an issue. This rarely happens, however. It is unlikely that things will ever be the same as they were before, but they can become better – with time.

Many spouses have unrealistic expectations about what recovery will mean for the family, simply because they have no experience with addiction. The truth is that getting sober is just the first step on the road to recovery. There is no quick fix for alcoholism, and you need to be prepared for things to get worse before they get better.

Patience

Although you have been through your struggles while your partner was in the grip of a destructive addiction, you may need to be patient for a little while longer. Your loved one may not be very nice to live with at the moment as he or she learns how to adapt to sober living but, with time, the whole family will adjust, and things will get back to some form of normality.

Responsibility

It is important to remember that you were not responsible for your spouse’s drinking. Similarly, you are not responsible for his or her sobriety. Your spouse must learn the skills necessary to live without alcohol and is therefore completely and entirely responsible for his or her recovery. You can offer support and love, but it is not your job to make sure he or she stays on the right track.

You cannot change your spouse, and how he or she behaves is not your fault. You may feel sad if your loved one behaves badly, but you should not feel guilty.

Enjoy Life

You need to learn how to be happy independently of how your spouse feels. For too long, you have probably been letting your moods be dictated by those of your spouse. When your spouse was drinking and behaving badly, you were unhappy. Likewise, when your spouse was sober and behaving well, you were probably happy. It is important to remember that you have your life to live and cannot rely on your spouse in order to feel happy or sad.

Start going out with your friends and having some fun. You deserve to be happy, and you need to start enjoying your life again – with or without your spouse. If your spouse is spending a lot of time focusing on his or her recovery, you can offer love and support, but you need to start focusing on you as well.

Addiction is an Illness

Another thing to bear in mind is that addiction is an illness. Your spouse did not start drinking in order to make you unhappy, and he or she is not trying to get better to make you happy. Your spouse needs to want to get better for him or herself. Try to separate the illness from the person and remember that inside is the person you fell in love with. He or she has been through a lot, as have you. Try not to apportion blame because at the end of the day, nobody chooses to be an addict.

If you can separate the alcoholism from the person, you may be able to move on and start a new life together. Rebuilding relationships can be tough, but it is possible, provided there has not been too much damage to the relationship.

Things may be tough going for a while, but recovery from addiction is a long and slow process. However, you are on the right track, and if you are prepared to be patient and want to make things work, you could end up with a loving and caring relationship once more.

This article originally published at Middlegate Blog here