How Much Help Should You Give Your Recovering Child?

If your son or daughter is in recovery from addiction, you may be tempted to do everything you can to help. However, this is not always the best move.

You have probably spent a lot of time worrying about your child while he or she was in the grip of addiction, and now that it seems as though life may be getting back on track, you might be tempted to offer financial assistance to ensure that your child does not have to suffer unnecessarily. But this is not always the best option.

Financial Struggles

It is common for recovering addicts to find themselves in trouble financially. Those with addiction tend to think of little else but the substance or activity to which they are addicted. They usually neglect all other responsibilities in their lives, including paying bills. Those with gambling or shopping addictions, for instance, may find themselves in a worse situation financially than those addicted to sex because their addictions require constant access to cash. Even those with drug or alcohol addictions will need a lot of money to fund their habit.

This can lead to them struggling with debt when they are in recovery. So it is understandable that, as a parent, you may want to do anything you can to relieve this situation. Nevertheless, part of the recovery process involves taking responsibility for one’s actions, so your child must be made to face up to the consequences of his or her actions.

Beware of Enabling
Even if you can afford to help your child get out of his or her current financial situation, you need to be wary of handing over money that could enable him or her to revert to old ways. If your child is living away from home and has a family, you could offer assistance by way of helping out with grocery shopping or giving him or her a lift from time to time.

If you are going to get into the habit of paying all the bills or handing over large sums of money to pay off debt, your child will never take responsibility for his or her actions.

Impose Conditions

If you feel that by not helping your child his or her financial situation could spiral out of control, do so but with certain conditions attached. If your child still lives at home, make sure that he or she helps out with household chores.

If you are planning to give your child money, ensure that he or she understands it is a loan and that it must be paid back. Also, consider telling your child that you will cut off all help if he or she stops attending meetings or does not stick to the treatment plan in place.

Take a Step Back

You may be tempted to take control of your child’s recovery at this stage in order to ensure that he or she sticks to the plan. However, at this point, you need to be prepared to take a step back and allow your child to take charge of his or her life.

If your son or daughter has just completed a programme of rehabilitation, he or she will have likely learned the skills required for independent sober living. By taking over, you will be jeopardising his or her recovery. Let your child arrange to make his or her own way to meetings and to look for work.

Your natural instinct may be to do this, but the less involved you are in his or her recovery, the better the chance of it being successful.

This article originally published at Middlegate Blog here