Is There a Difference Between Helping and Enabling?

If you are the parent of a child that has an addiction, you will probably want to do everything in your power to help. Even if that child is married with children of his or her own, you will still worry and will be devastated to see him or her struggling in this way. However, it is important to realise that there is a very fine line between helping and enabling.

Your child may have no money and no opportunity to get credit anymore, so you may be tempted to help out financially. You may have already been doing this for some time, but this is not always the best idea. The problem that many parents face is that they do not want to see their child struggling financially if they feel they can help. This is even more of an issue when children are involved.

Are You Enabling Your Child?

If you are giving your child financial help, you have to ask yourself whether or not this kind of help is allowing him or her to carry on with the addiction. You may have decided that instead of giving money to your child you will take care of their grocery shopping each week. This may sound the perfect solution because you will be providing your child and his or her family with essential items but you are not providing money that could be spent on the addiction.

Nevertheless, by taking care of this expense, you are giving your child the opportunity to spend money elsewhere. Instead of having to put money aside for groceries, your child can now spend that money on gambling, alcohol, drugs or whatever it is that he or she is addicted to.

It would be far better to do things such as offer lifts to meetings if needed or take care of their kids when necessary. You can also help him or her to manage the money coming in and going out of the home so that the family can get back on track financially. And offering support throughout drug and/or alcohol rehab and recovery is another way to help.

Being Cruel to be Kind

The important thing to remember as a parent of an addict is that your child needs to learn how to stand on his or her own two feet. While your natural instincts may be to help, you may be doing more harm than good by doing so.

You might feel guilty for taking a step back but, in most instances, this is the best way to handle the situation. Let him or her start taking care of managing the issue of recovery. Do what you can to get your child to accept that help is needed, and help find the best treatment centre for this. Nonetheless, once his or her treatment has started, it is a good idea to let him or her manage it. The more you do for your child, the less he or she will do.

It is tough for parents to take a step back and to see their child struggling, but in many cases, this ‘cruel to be kind’ approach will work and will encourage your child to take control of his or her life again.

Make Treatment a Condition of Help

If you want your child to get help for addiction, you can help but you should make sure that he or she understands that you expect some guarantee on their part. You should make a commitment to treatment a condition of any help you offer, and instantly stop helping if your child decides to stop attending meetings or going to counselling sessions. Make sure that help is not something that could enable his or her addiction.

This article originally published at middlegate.co.uk -  Rehab Clinics Blog here
https://www.middlegate.co.uk/is-there-a-difference-between-helping-and-enabling/